Thursday, January 20, 2011

Good evening Mr. Gold

From: Mr. Brian Gold
Sent: Tuesday, January 18, 2011 3:32 PM
To: undisclosed-recipients: ( Since it's supposed to be just me, couldn't it at least be recipient? ) Subject: Your long overdue payment.


Telephone Operator: + 44 702 403 7586.
Business Hours
Monday Friday: 8:30 a.m. to 6:00 p.m. (ET) ( 3:30 to 1:00 in England. Odd hours for the IMF ) .
Saturdays, Sundays, and holidays*: closed.
e-mail: ( HotMail must be very good, a lot of large international agencies use it )
This is to intimate ( Strangely enough, intimate works here - sort of ) you of a very important information ( Only one information? ) which will be of a great help to redeem you from all the difficulties you have been experiencing in getting your long over due payment due to excessive demand for money from you by both corrupt Bank officials and Courier Companies after which your fund remain unpaid to you.

( Breathe Brian, that is one hell of a sentence )
I am Mr. Brian Gold the Financial Counsellor and Director Monetary and Capital Markets Department, (I.M.F). I'm a highly placed official ( Of course you are, I don't deal with lackeys ) of the International Monetary Fund (I.M.F).
It may interest you to know that reports have reached our office by so many correspondence on the uneasy way which people like you are treated by Various Banks and Courier Companies across Europe to Africa and Asia and we have decided to put a stop to that and that is why i was appointed to handle your transaction here in United Kingdom. ( It must be amazing to hear him speak )

All Governmental and Non-Governmental parasites ( Governmental parasites - The Dept of Redundancy Dept. approves ) , NGOs, Finance Companies, Banks, Security Companies and Courier companies which have been in contact with you of lately have been instructed to back off from your transaction and you have been advised NOT to respond to them anymore since the I.M.F is now directly in charge of your payment ( I'm glad that you got to all of them, I was dreading having to make all those calls myself ) .
You are hereby advised NOT to remit further payment to any institutions with respect to your transaction as your fund will be transfered to you directly from our source. I hope this is clear.  As clear as an azure sky of deepest summer.  ) Any action contrary to this instructions is at your own risk.
This office is now responsible for your payment across Europe to Africa and Asia ( None of these are near where I am, does that matter? ) , we the I.M.F @ the global regulatory service hereby advise you to put a stop on further communication with your foreign partner's in any of this continent as mention above.
Your payment release will be handle from our office here in United Kingdom, so make sure you are ready to finalize the release of your payment before contacting us. ( And how exactly would I do that, since you do mind me asking, apparently? ) 

These Are The List of Five Names We Conducted There Transfer This Morning And It Was Successfull:
( It Is Not Necessary To Capitalize Every Word In The Sentence As If You Think It Makes Some Point )
* Mohammed Saheedi (United Arab Emirate)----National Bank of Abu Dhabi (UAE).
* Alex Schloomer (Switzerland)----Amtsersparniskasse Schwarzenbu Bank (Switz).
* Anita Babaman (Latvia)----Rigas Komercbanka Bank PLC (LAT).
* Rudoff Peterson (United State of America)----First National Bank And Trust Company (U.S.A).
* Suzuki Inhomotto Yamaha (Japan)----Mitsubishi UFJ Financial Group (JAP).

If Your Name Is Among The List Of People Above,Which We Conducted There Transfer This Morning, Please Check Your Email For Your Wire Transfer Payment Confirmation Slip That Have Been Forwarded To Your Email This Morning And Confirm To Us If The Fund Has Reflected Into Your Nominated Bank Account As Provided Earlier. ( Please, Stop, You're Killing Me. Take A Breath. ) We Have Ten Names On Our Payment Schedule File On Record, If You Are Not On Our First Batch Then Be Patient Enough To Wait For The Second Five On Next To Transfer.

Respond to this e-mail ( with immediate effect ( Can I use delayed effect? I used the last of the immediate effect on the cat yesterday and I haven't been to the store yet today ) and we shall give you further details on how your fund will be released to you.
Also it is very necessary and important that you send us an e-mail containing your vital informations as requested below so that you will be given an immediate response and directives on what to do next:

Full Names: ( Should this include frequently used aliases as well? )
Zip/Postal Code:
Present Occupation:
Company Owner:
Company Name:
Reachable Tel#/Mob:..............*No Voice Mail Service* ( Sorry, I have to screen my calls, it's complicated )

The rest of your data's needed for your fund transfer will be requested directly from your bank manager.
Best Regard's,
Mr. Brian Gold
Financial Counsellor and Director
Monetary and Capital Markets Department, IMF.
INTERNATIONAL MONETARY FUND. ( Hey, wait a minute. You never said the amount. How am I supposed to know to which misplaced African fortune this is in reference? )

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


From: 2011 COMPERCENTION FROM UNITED NATIONS [] ( What the hell is compercention? )Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 10:58 AM
Subject: United Nations Assisted Programs ( They need a spelling assistance program )

(registerd090 was so proud of his handiwork he sent it twice )

Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 11:03 AM
Subject: United Nations Assisted Programs

United Nations Assisted Program
Directorate of International Payment
United Nations Liaison Office - Africa
( Africa, don't often hear from Africa and then bang, twice in five minutes )
Fund Beneficiary:

This email is to notify you about the release of your outstanding payment which is truly $8.7 million.
( Truly, Truly? ) The Federal Government scheduled a time frame to settle all foreign debts which includes contract/Inheritance/Gambling/Lottery (Sponsored by Microsoft and UK National Lottery ( I think they're reading each other's mail over there in Africa ) ) and other international loans ( Pretty much covers everything ) . News had it that over the past, numerous individual(s) who happen to be impostors (claiming to be individuals, banks and organizations) ( unlike us claiming to be the United Nations ) are claiming to release numerous sums of fund via numerous ways ( No! Unscrupulous individuals on the Internet? Never! ) .

You have two options to receive your payment which is either a Pin Based ATM card or Certified Cashiers Check
( I think check. $8.7 million on an ATM card? Even if they let you take $1000 a day from the ATM, you're looking at almost 24 years before you get it all )

You are advised to select one out of the two options on how you wish to receive your $8.7 million. Your ATM card or Check/Bank Draft will be shipped via FedEx Shipping Company and would get to you within 2 to 3 working days at most
( You could mail a check, Fedex is overkill )

( No, you're sending me money remember?  ):

The actual fees for shipping your ATM card is $125.99 ( I don't want the ATM card. I want a check. And how big is this ATM card that it costs $125 to ship? )
but because Fedex have temporarily discontinued the C.O.D which gives you the chance to pay when package is delivered for international shipping as stated on their website:

We had to sign contract with them for bulk shipping ( Bulk shipping, it's an ATM card, it'll fit in a wallet ) which makes the fees reduce from the actual $125.99 to $96.99 nothing more and no hidden fees of any sort ( Oh, goody. A bargain ) ! You are advised to contact the dispatch officer responsible for the shipping of your Check or ATM card with the following information for shipping of your payment Check or ATM card.

And provide him with the following information:

FedEx Dispatching Officer: Mr James Brown
Email: ( Does the UN not have an IT department. They always seem to rely on third party email )
DIRECT LINE:+2347033853259

Your full Name...
Your Address:................
Home/Cell Phone:....................
Preferred Payment Method (Check or ATM):..................

The dispatch officer will provide you with instructions on how you are to make payment of the $96.99 only for the shipping of your ATM card or Cashiers Check.

Remember that you are not paying any fees extra no matter what.. Once again note that the actual Fedex Retail Price: $125.99 Your Price (Because of our contract signed):$96.99 ($29.00 Savings!)
( Such a deal! )


Amb. Mr James Brown
( I thought he was the Godfather of Soul, not to mention dead )
UN Envoy (Africa Region)