Friday, January 14, 2011

Giving spammers a bad name

From: private link []
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 3:23 AM
To: undisclosed recipients:
( So, what else is new? )
Subject: Try to give this letter good understanding. ( I will )

Try to give this letter good understanding. ( Didn't I just say that I would. Chill out )
Dear Friend,

    First of all i want you to give this latter good understanding  ( Enough already! )  if you can guarantee me from your own side, your trust, honesty, i will be able to work with you, i will appreciate if you can come down yourself ( Come down where? I'm picky about where I travel )  and see things for yourself before we can proceed and this will make things more clearer for us ( Just like that sentence ) .

I am Mr.Dago Usman ( What an unfortunate name ) , an accountant with one of the bank here in (Ivory Coast) ( The one without a name, the bank that is ) I am writing in respect of a France Citizen ( Mr.Bouchout Geoffroy) been a customer here in our bank,dual citizen of France , who died  in a Plane crash on Monday 2ND September 1998 GMT 14:22 UK ( I would have sworn that plane SwissAir 111 crashed at 14:23 ) while they were flying from New York to Geneva ( In a strange coincidence there was a Geoffroy Bouchout of France on the plane as well. I wonder if they knew each other ).         Refer to the website below for more details.

I wish to inform you that  late Mr.Bouchout Geoffroy left the sum of Eight million United States Dollars ($8million) here in our bank, ( That was 13 years ago, you still have it? ) I investigated this out during our last auditing as chief accountant, ( Do you take turns being chief? ) that is why i solicit your urgent ( Now you're in a hurry? ) assistance for this so that we should work together and get this fund transfer into your safe account and invest with this money in a tangible business there in your country.

Based on the code of conduct in our work ( Do unto others, then run ) , we are not allowed to own or run a foreign account while still on service, ( If it was me playing with $8 million, I'd quit. Your little bank doesn't even have a name. How much can they be paying you? ) it was as a matter of this fact I decided to contact you ( I'm touched that you tought of me first ) so that you will stand as the fund beneficiary after we may agreed to work together and ask the bank to transfer this fund into your account.

So my good friend ( Let's not rush things ), I want you to come and stand as the beneficiary to claim that money as a patina/beneficiary ( patina: a film or incrustation, usually green, produced by oxidation on the surface of old bronze and often esteemed as being of ornamental value. Hmm, not sure you have the right word there, Dago. And sorry, but I make it a point not to travel to third world African hell holes as a rule. Just a matter of policy )  So that this money will be transferred into your account and we will use this money and invest in your country or we will share the money fifty fifty after transferring it if you did not want both of us to have joint business. ( Yeah, the 50/50 no strings attached option sounds like the better deal, not that you don't sound like a shrewd businessman, but I prefer to work alone )  I have all the formalities to legalize it on your name.  Note that all the modalities of this transfer are RISK FREE ( Please explain how a white man in west Africa can do anything risk free? ) hence i am working with this bank. ( as opposed to some other bank? ) Upon your acceptance to assist me i will forward to you the legal procedures of how to effect the transfer into your account ,looking forward to hearing from you soonest ( It took you thirteen years, don't rush me. I'll take your request under advisement ).

Best regards.

Mr.Dago Usman. 

Big TIme Operator

From: MR. JACK ZOLEMA [] ( Working from Hotmail, so I know he's a big time operator )
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 6:50 AM
To: undisclosed recipients: ( Still no clue who he's taking to )

I am Mr. Jack Zolema ( I knew that ) and I wish to present a business proposal to you. Please see the attached document for details.

( Contents of the PDF attachment )

Attention: Sir/Madam,
I am Mr. Jack Zolema ( No, really? I would have never guessed that ) , a director with one of the government parastatals in South Africa.  ( parastatal - a state-owned organization, esp in Africa - the Dept of Redundancy Dept is happy ) I want us to go into a mutually beneficial business that
needs your strict confidentiality and dedication. ( Sounds like I'm getting the legwork part, and I'll bet you're getting the bulk of the beneficial )
This business involves the transfer of a huge amount of money ( Of course it does, why else would you be writing ) from my
Country (South Africa).  It has very little liabilities and it is very safe. ( What else is new? ) The
fund to be transferred is Eighteen million United States Dollars
(US$18,000,000:00). ( Do any countries beside US, UK and EU have their own currency? )  It is generated from an over - invoiced contract ( Double billing? ) and
your job is basically to act as a sub-contractor to my department and get
this money out for us. ( See, I knew I was getting the legwork part ) For helping us ( Who is this us - you and me or you, unknown accomplices and me ) accomplish this you will get 20% of
the funds. ( Sorry even shares, 50/50 unless there are four of you )
Please, if you are interested kindly respond to this e-mail giving me your
full contact details, including your mobile telephone numbers ( I only have a land line, is that all right ? ) for elaborate
discussion ( If it's elaborate, then don't call collect. I won't accept the charges ) on the way forward.
I await your anticipated positive response to my private and confidential
email address; ( Hotmail and AOL, this guy's real big time. Oh and where would I send a negative response - )
Jack Zolema.

Very little to work with

From: []
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 4:54 AM
Subject: Am barr boris ( I have no idea what he's trying to say here )

Your assistance is required in a transaction that worth £4,200,000.00.Contact me if interested.
( Somehow he's gotten his hands on 4.2 million pounds, not much funny here. Sorry. )

From: Alex Flockhart [] ( Everything you could ever want to know about is here )
Sent: Friday, January 14, 2011 7:51 AM
To: undisclosed-recipients: ( Boring )
Subject: S.A. Flockhart.(Your Response And Assurance)
Good Day,
I have a Business Proposal of $24,500,000.00 for you to handle with me
please reply me for more information.Contact me on my email: Regards, S.A Flockhart

( Same here - not a very imaginative lot )

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Foundation: an undergarment, as a girdle or corset, worn by women to support or give shape to the contours of the body.

Starting here, I think I'm going to start formatting these, I'm having trouble following them

From: OBAMA'S FOUNDATION ( Michelle's undergarments? )  and UNITED NATIONS [] ( I went to Doesn't look very UN-ish )
Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2011 10:29 AM
To: ( Actually came to my email address directly. Bet they still don't know my name. )
Subject: Compensation 2011!!! ( ! is important, !! is I'm a 13 year old girl, !!! is I'm an idiot )

( Another one whose had their enter key privileges revoked. The line breaks are my doing.)
Greetings To You ( Whoever you are) ,
On behalf of the OBAMA'S FOUNDATION and UNITED NATIONS, we ( Me and the frog in my pocket ) wish to notify you as a beneficiary of $500,000.00 USD in compensation of scam victims  ( Because we know you've been stupid enough to fall for this in the past ) .
This is to bring to your notice that we are delegated from the OBAMA'S FOUNDATION and UNITED NATIONS in Central Bank ( I looked on Google Earth. I couldn't find the country of Central Bank ) to pay 10 victims of scam $500,000.00 USD each ( They were only able to find 10? ) .
Your E-mail ID were listed and approved for this payment as one of the scammed victims to be paid this amount.
You are to fill the appropriate form and submit to the bank.
[1] Full Names :
[2] Contact address :
[3] Direct Telephone No : ( As opposed to one where you are difficult to reach )  
[4] Occupation :
[5] Country :

Managing Director of the Citibank,Malaysia ( Malaysia, where did that come from? )
Name: Mr Scott Walker Hill
Email: ( The bank has a gmail account too. )

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs Anne Edward Coordinator ( Anne Edward (Organizer) Coordinator of the West Hempstead Coordinators ) .

All for the low, low price of $55.00

From: Secretary Edwin Williams [] ( No one can afford their own email address )
Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2011 1:40 PM
To: undisclosed recipients: ( Boring )
Subject: YOUR WESTERN UNION PAYMENT CALL TO CONFIRM @ +229-98679197 ( Benin again. Oh, that's why <- safe link )
ATTN:BENEFICIARY ( Dear Whatisname )I Am Edwin Williams, secretary to Dr. Timothy Hanson. I'm writing to let you know about your conpensation ( CONpensation - Freudian slip? ) fund $1.8 Million, us dollar that my boss issued on your name before he travelled out for his business purpose. ( Glad he had time to do it before he left. I'd hate to be left waiting ) Before he travels out he instructed me to send you the total money through Western Union Money Transfer ( All major business and government transactions take place through Wertern Union. It's a little known fact. )  because it will be less expensive and reliable ( A cashiers check or negotiable bearer bonds would be more reliable and nearly free) for you to be receiving your daily $7000 dollar until you receive your total money completely ( This is going to take eight and a half months ) .

Meanwhile, the manager stated yesterday that, the director, administrator trust funds have already signed and approved your payment, which you will be receiving your payment 7000.00 Us Dollars daily immediately you sent them their transfer charge of $55 and it will serve as confirmation of your file payment from the office in charge. ( See, a check wouldn't have cost $55 )
So you are to contact them on below information

Vital Finance Bank Western Union Department.
Location Address; Plot 1261, Adeola Hopewell Street CO/B/REP, ( Googling the address brought me here <- safe link )

Contact Person: Mr Chris Mike.
Tele phone Number: +229-986-79197.
Email Address: ( ) ( Yet another free email service )
Be advise that the $55 is a compulsory as they told me that is the only money you will pay until you receive your payment completely ( Of course it is )  .So confirm your details to avoid any hitches in receiving your full payments.

This is what they need from you Receiver'
Test question:::::::: ( If a hen and a half lays an egg and a half in a day and a half, how many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse? )

Answer::::::::::::::: ( Bob - no one would ever guess Bob )
( and of course $55 )
Also do let me know immediately they have started sending you your money, but try to comply with them to enable them serve you better.Thank,Secretary Edwin Williams,


Graceful motion

From: Grace Yee [] ( Somewhere in Illinois )
Sent: Thursday, January 13, 2011 7:32 AM
Subject: Emergency Email

Smacks of embezzlement

From: Mr. Frankline Boateng [] ( The name was Boatengine but they shortened it at Ellis Island when my grandfather came to America )
Sent: Wednesday, January 12, 2011 7:56 PM
To: undisclosed recipients: ( Again - Hey, undisclosed recipients - we should get together sometime for drinks )
Subject: From Mr. Frankline Boateng ( Urgent Attention )

My greetings to you and your family, (You do know they were horribly mangled in a MixMaster accident last week )
My name is Mr. Frankline Boateng,  I am a retired banker of Standard Chartered Bank of Ghana Ltd.

I do not want problems ( Then you came to the wrong place ) but I just hope you can assist me, I write you this letter in good faith, I have a transaction of three million two hundred and fifty thousand dollars:($3,250,000.00).

I realized this fund from bank excess profit ( Excess profit? Isn't profit just profit? )  after trading with the capital sum and I deposited the funds in escrow call account ( The accountant equivalent of technobabble ) . Where nobody will have access to it. Even the bank does not have access to this account ( If the bank can't access it won't that slow us down? ) because it cannot be deducted, until after the transfer.

Finally I did not declare this fund to the bank before my retirement ( But left it there, because I couldn't get at it. ) . I am contacting you, to stand as the beneficiary of this fund because only a foreigner can stand as the beneficiary ( You're starting to make me think you're not too bright )  . Can I trust you to hold this money  ( If you can't get at it, how will I? ) for me until I come over to your country? After the transfer, I will give you 30% of the money as your commission ( I'll have the money. I'll give you 40% ) .

If you accept my offer, but if you do not accept this offer kindly forget that I contacted you, ( I think you have a misplaced phrase here )  all I need is for you to get a good current account where this fund can be transferred into ( A preposition is a bad thing to end a sentence or phrase with. ) and for you to stand as the beneficiary of the said amount, within three days the funds will be transferred to your designated bank account.

There are practically no risks involved, it will be a bank-to-bank transfer ( There's always risk when your embezzling. It goes with the territory ) . I hope you understand my situation, I am critically ill ( I thought you sounded a little wheezy ) that is why I contacted you to finalize this transaction to enable me have a very good medical treatment.

Write to me in order to indicate your interest to my proposal and please on time so that we can proceed immediately.

Mr.Frankline Boateng.

Grecian earnings

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Wrong Numbers

Date: Wed, 12 Jan 2011
From: "Mrs.Rosland Thomas" <> ( An alias for AT&T ) 
Reply-To: ( - Yet another place to get a fake email address )
To: undisclosed recipients: ; ( Don't you know who we are? Are we not supposed to figure out that you're lying to us? )
Attn Dear ( This space intentionally left blank ) ,

Due to your effort ( I try ) , sincerity ( Really, I do try ) , courage ( I'm a lion tamer in my spare time. ) and trust worthiness ( Trust me. Really, you can trust me after all we've been through ) you showed at the course of your transaction ( Turn four was a little tricky ) with some government and claimed government officials ( They weren't all real government officials. They had their pictures taped to real looking badges. Those were fake? ) . And based on the outcome of the last meeting held with the Federal Government of this country ( Which country? I told you. I don't remember. )  and the officials of the United Nation Organization, UNO and International Monitoring Fund, IMF ( Was I at this meeting? I was drinking absinthe. I can't remember. ), we have been instructed to transfer your funds through ATM MASTER CARD ( Couldn't you find a more obscure way to get me the money? ) , This is to officially inform you that (ATM Master Card Number 4000101025717299 ( MasterCard numbers start with a 5. Are you sure it wasn't a VISA card? ) ) has been accredited in your favour. Your Personal Identification Number is 1309 ( Nice. You idiot! Didn't anyone tell you you shouldn't send card numbers and pins in unencrypted emails and nerve in the same email. There are a lot of unscrupulous people out there. You're going to have to void the card and get a new number. I called that one in as lost.) . The ATM Card Value is $2.8M (Two Million Eight Hundred Thousand United State Dollars).

You are advice ( Am I good advice? ) to contact our affiliate ATM UNIT CENTER with the information below.The maximum you can withdraw in a day is $6000.00 (Six Thousand United State Dollars) ( That's going to take 466 days. I need the money now. $6000 barely covers the vig ) you are therefore advice ( Why am I advice again? I don't understand ) to contact the ATM CARD UNIT CENTRE DEPARTMENT. Bellow ( Who is Bellow? )  is the contact detail for you to contact ATM UNIT CENTRE for your ATM MASTER CARD.

Contact Person: Dr.George Ngueye.
E-mail: (
Telephone:+229 9893 9789. ( George, what are you doing in Benin? Is Bellow there with you? )

Here is the information they may need ( They may need? Are you sure they know what they're doing? )  to send the ATM CARD to you.

FULL NAME...............

Forward the needed information to the ATM UNIT CENTER so that they will send your your ATM CARD.

Mrs.Rosland Thomas.

$2,800,000 eventually

New total, (eventually) if the bookies don't get me first. $140,735,366.77

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Hardly worth the effort

Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2011 
From: PGD Bach Mai <> ( Bank in Vietnam - No Vikings this time )

Reply-To: ( addresses are starting to look not so reliable )
Subject: you have $250,000.00 Lodged ( Lodged where? )


$250,000 - That's it?

BaDaBing: $137,935,366.77

That's a big box

Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2011
From: Jack Zellman <> ( USA )
Reply-To: ( USA )
To: undisclosed recipients: ; ( May I speak for all of us? )

Mr. Jack Zellman
INSPECTION UNIT ( Very Important Organization )

Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport.


I am Jack Zellman Director Inspection Unit United Nations  Inspection Agent in Heartfield ( You cover two airports? ) International Airport Atlanta Georgia ( His name badge must weigh a ton ) . During our investigation, I discovered An abandoned shipment from a Diplomat from United Kingdom under iship forwarder was transferred from JF Kennedy Airport to our facility here in Atlanta and when scanned ( It was much easier for us to haul them off to an industrial size cat scanner to see what was in them rather than opening them up and having a look ) it revealed an undisclosed sum of money ( might also just  be stacks of note paper ) in a Metal  Trunk Box weighing approximately 110kg each. ( Oh, so that's where my two 250 pound boxes of money got off to. I was wondering why they weren't in the fridge ) The consignment was abandoned because the Content was not properly declared by the consignee as money  ( You seem surprised that someone smuggling money didn't own up to it ) rather it was declared as  personal effect to avoid diversion by the Shipping Agent also the Diplomat inability to pay for Non Inspection Fees. ( Non Inspection Fee - Is that like a bribe? )
On my assumption, each of the boxes will contain more that $3 to $4M  each ( According to the U.S. Treasury, "In $100 bills, the weight of $1 million is about 22 pounds." [that's 10 kg.]. We'd know how much money was in them if we could just work up the nerve to open them )
and the consignment is still left in storage house till today through a registered shipping Company, Courier Dispatch Service Limited a division of Tran guard LTD ( You're starting to give too much information ) . The Consignment they are two metal box ( Whatsa a matter for you ) with weight of about 110kg each (Internal dimension:  W61 x H156 x D73 (cm). Effective capacity: 680 L.)Approximately, ( 60 by 160 by 75 would be approximately )
The details of the consignment including your name the official document from United Nation office in London are tagged on the Metal Trunk box ( Then send them back to me, what's the problem here? The UN and their time machine. Damn, that's how they got them out of the fridge ).
Provide your Phone Number full address, to cross check if it corresponds with the the address on the official document including the name of nearest Airport ( Look on the damn tag, you should be able to work the airport out on your own ) around and other details. You can send the required details to me for onward delivery.
All communication must be held extremely confidential. I can get everything concluded within 3-6 hours upon your acceptance and proceed to your address for delivery. But i must get assurance from you concerning my 50% before i will proceed. ( You want half my money - for what? I can spot you a finders fee, but half, that's ridiculous )
I want us to transact this business and share the money,since the shipper have abandoned it and ran away ( They're known to do that. ) .I will pay for the Non inspection fee ( Who do you have to bribe? ) and arrange for the boxes to be moved out of this Airport to your address, Once we are through i will deploy the services of a secured shipping Company geared to provide the security it needs to your doorstep. or i can bring it by myself  ( That's probably the best thing, an armored car would attract attention. My neighborhood's a little seedy. ) to avoid any more trouble. But i will share it 50% to you and 50% to me. But you have to assure me of my 50% ( We'll talk about that when you get here. ).
Below are my direct telephone numbers and i wait to hear from you.
Jack Zellman

( Dumbass - you forgot the phone numbers - great )
$4,000,0000 more or less

Total: $137,685,366.77 more or less

Sybil or Devine

Reply-To: > ( - Yet another free email site )
From: "Favour"
Subject: Mail


My Name is Favour and Esther Palati Son/Daughter of Late Mr George Palati ( Gender confusion or Multiple personalities - Can't tell yet ).We ( Looks like multiples, or a schizophrenic drag queen ) are From Liberia Our Father was killed by some rebels during the war Crisis in Liberia.So we ran to Ghana for our security  586 Miles - Hope they weren't wearing heels ) .My consignment  ( Did one of you not make it? ) contains $10 million United States dollars and some quantity of gold,which I cannot specify. ( If you ran across the Cote d'Ivoire with it, it probably isn't much ) The consignments are presently in the STATE (USA) ( You got them here and then went back? Why? ).
After clearing the consignment from the Airport,Dr.Richard Kalusi(DIPLOMAT) called Mr.Womack Hardee to tell himthe description to is house for the delivery,but is House Helper ( if your dropping the H from his, then it should be 'is 'ouse' elper - that'd be proper Cockney ) answered the call and told Mr.Richard Kalusithat Mr.Womack Hardee hard a fatal car accident which lead to his death. ( Fatal car accidents tend to do that )
Please,my sister ( Ah, she's back ) and I seek for you to stand as our Beneficiary/God Loving Parent to get in contact with the Diplomat so that he can deliver the Consignment to you.Please try ( Yoda is getting angry ) and get back to me through email.
Thanks and God bless you
Favour and Esther Palati

$3.3 million or $5 million plus either half or a third of an amount of gold that can be carried across an equatorial African country comfortably by someone running 586 miles in drag and heels, depending on how many people Favour and Esther turn out to be.

Now at: $133,685,366.77 give or take a few 

An important BANKER from NIGERIA with more money for me

Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2011
From: John Tony ( (HTTP:// Right here in the good old US of A )Reply-To: ( Another place to get a fake email account. This time from China )Subject: CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA ( IMPORTANT! )To: undisclosed recipients: ; ( My bank staements get caught in the spam filter, but these things just cruise right through. Why is that? )



Dear Sir/Madam, ( shotgun approach )
I am Dr. John Tony  Director  Allocation  Department from the (Central Bank of Nigeria ) Lagos Branch. ( I can't afford a secretary and type with my feet ) My office monitors and controls the affairs of all banks and Financial institutions in Nigeria concerned with foreign claim payments. I am the final signatory to any transfer or remittance of huge funds moving within banks both on the local and international levels in line with foreign claim settlements ( I'm a big deal, in other words, even if I say so myself ) I have before me list of funds, which could not be transferred to some nominated accounts as these accounts have been identified either as ghost accounts,unclaimed deposits or over-invoiced sum ( Huh? ). 0n ( zero n ) this note, I wish to have a deal with you as regards to an unpaid fund. I have a file before me and the data's are correct ( datum is singular - data are plural - just being picky - If you had 2 Lt. Datas from Star Trek then it would be OK, but you still don't need the apostrophe, but since there was only one Lt Data, you'd need the UN's time machine to get another one, but I digress )  and un-tampered. As it is my duty to recommend the transfer of these surplus funds to the Federal Government Treasury and Reserve Accounts as unclaimed deposits, I have the opportunity to write you based on the instructions I received two days ago from the Foreign Debts reconciliation dept to submit the List of payment reports / expenditures and audited reports of revenues. Among several others, I have decided to remit your claim ( I don't remember filing a claim in Nigeria - must have been some party ) sum following my idea that we can have a deal/agreement and I am g oing to do this legally. ( Of course you are, my bright little star...) My conditions:

1. The sum of USD$25.7M only will be transfer into your account after the proccessing of all relevant legal documents with your name as the bonfide beneficary,the transfer will be made by Draft or telegraphic Transfer (T/T), confirmable in 3 working days.
2. This deal must be kept secret forever, and all correspondence will be strictly by email / telephone, for security purposes ( not to mention the avoidance of mail fraud ).3. There should be no third parties as most problem associated with your fund release are caused by your agents or representative ( I'll speak to them immediately and then give them a good thrashing! )  .
4. Note that after the successful completion of this transaction,you and I will have a fair share of the fund in the ratio of 50:50.
If you AGREE with my conditions, l advise you on what to do immediately and the transfer will commence without delay as I will proceed to fix your name on the Payment schedule instantly to meet the three days mandate.

1. Your Full Name
2. Current Address
3. Direct Phone/Fax Number
4  Occupations ( Sorry I've retired - I'm rich now )

5. Age 
6. International Passport

I hope you don't reject this offer and have this funds transferred.
Waiting for your reply soon.

Yours faithfully.
Dr.John Tony.

Half of $25,700,000

New total: $128,685,366.77

What, no Krugerrands?

From: "JOHN BALI" ( is in India )
To: "undisclosed recipients:" ( Again - no name and not just me )
Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2011 07:45:23 -0500

( From the Attachment, surprisingly virus free )
TEL: +27 783 317 554 ( Surprise, it's a South African phone number. Someone's done their homework )
EMAIL ( on the other hand, has a distinctly Russian tinge to it. Might be the Cyrillic text )

ATTN: MD/C.E.O ( Doctor? CEO ? We'll assume you're intelligent before we assume you're an idiot )

Sir/Madame (Sir/Madame - Hell, this is just a shot in the dark anyway )


You may be surprised ( stunned, actually ) to receive this letter from me since you do not know me personally ( which seems to make us about even ) , the purpose of my introduction is that, I am Mr. John Bali first son of Mr. Abrahim Bali, who was recently murdered in the land dispute in Zimbabwe. I got your contact through South African Information Exchange ( How they got it, I'll never know. ) decided to write you.

Before the death of my father (Why do you need to explain this. If he was doing something, he was probably doing it before he died since death has a tendency to make folks take things a bit slower - except in Transylvania, perhaps ) , he had taken me to Johannesburg to deposit the sum of (Eighteen Million Six Houndred Thousand United States Dollars) ( Why would he convert good old reliable Gold Krugerrands to US dollars, was he senile? ) , in one of the private security company, as if he foresaw the looming danger in Zimbabwe ( but he felt a need to return there in order to be murdered ) . This money was deposited in a box as germ stones ( now we'll have to get them cleaned, Krugerrands would have been so much neater )  to avoid much demurrage from Security Company ( Demurrage refers to the charges that the charterer pays to the shipowner for its extra use of the vessel What does that have to do with germ stones? If you don't mind me asking. ) . This amount was meant for the purchase of new machines and chemicals for the farms and established of new farm in Swaziland. ( If he was working with Swaziland, why the hell did he keep going back to Zimbabwe? That's a pretty long drive)

This land problem came when Zimbabwean President MR.ROBERT MUGABE ( HE MUST BE IMPORTANT TOO ) introduce a new Land Act reform which wholly affected the rich white farmers and some few blacks farmers. And this resulted to the killing and mob action by Zimbabwean war veterans and some lunatics ( only some? ) in the society. In fact, a lot of people were killed because of this land reformed Act for which my father was one of the victim. ( Which he wouldn't have been if he'd minded his own business and stayed in Swaziland. I'm not feeling very sympathetic here. Start looking around for a point.  )

It is against this background that, ( Droning on and on ) I and my family who are currently staying in South Africa decided to transfer my father's money to foreign account since the law of South Africa prohibits a refugee (asylum seeker) ( Is that what refugee means? I did not know that. )  to open any bank account or to be involved in any financial transaction throughout the territorial zone South Africa ( probably going to make transferring the money difficult ) . As the eldest son of my father, I am saddle with the responsibility of seeking a genuine foreign account where this money could be transferred without the knowledge of my government who are bent on taking everything we have got. The South African government seems to be playing along with them. ( Playing along with who? ) I am faced with the dilemma of investing this amount of money in South Africa ( What about Swaziland? Did you try there? ) for fear of going through the same experience ( Being murdered in Zimbabwe? That's easy. Stay out of Zimbabwe. ) in future ( as opposed to going through it in the past ) since both countries have similar political history. Moreover, the South African Foreign Exchange Policy does not allow such investments for an asylum seeker ( use refugee - it's shorter ).

As a businessman, who I have to entrust my future since both my future and of my family are in his hands, I must let you know that this transaction is risk free. ( sounds like it from your description so far ) If you accept to assist my family and me all I want you to do for me is to make arrangements and come to Johannesburg-South Africa ( I'll dash right down or over or both ), so that you can open a non-resident account, which you will aid us in transferring the money into any account which you will nominate overseas. This money I intended to use for investment. ( So, what, are you carrying it around in a bag at the moment? No, you did say they were in a box. My bad. )

I have two options for you; firstly you can choose to have certain percentage of the money for nominating your account for this transaction. Or you can go into partnership with me for proper profitable investment of the money in your country. Whichever the options you want, feel free to notify me. If you do not prefer partnership I am willing to give you 25% ( certain means 25% apparently ) of the money while the remaining 75% will be for my investment in your country.

Contact me with the above e-mail, and Telephone number while I implore you to maintain the absolute secrecy required in this transaction

Yours Faithfully,
MR. John BALI.
(For the Family)

PLEASE YOU CAN READ ABOUT PROBLEMS IN ZIMBABWE FROM THE LINKS BELOW. (Dead link ) ( This link is an 11 year old BBC article, John's been at this a while it seems ) ( Dec 2000 )

Not a bad haul :  $18,600,000

New Total: $115,835,366.77

French Misteek

Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2011 
From:  ( - A french school )
Subject: From: Beraud Alain (2010/SLE/TC) ( Impressive abbreviations - meaningless, but impressive )
Reply-to: ( Hong Kong? )

DRAW NO: 2010/SLE/TC ( Oh I get it. They couldn't think of a name for their lottery so they threw some letters together and hoped no one would notice )Attn: Winner, ( I'm getting sick of this. I have a name you know )Your custom pin based ATM card of USD USD$954,000.00 United state dollars ( Redundant redundancy ) has been deposited with TNT Express Delivery Services here in West Africa.  ( I thought you were at A french school in Marseilles near Hong Kong, how the hell did you end up in West Africa ) I have waited enough to hear from you ( Don't get snippy, this is the first I've heard of this ) concerning the result of Toyota Motors World Wide Lottery Promotion held on the 10th of January 2011 ( That was only yesterday, you guys work fast ) as part of our program to Launch our multi million dollar office
that was commissioned in West Africa.

The delivery charges and insurance coverage fee has been taken care of by the promotion company ( wasn't that nice of them ) , except the Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release
Order on your behalf which will cost you $245 only nothing more and no  hidden fees as everything has been taken care of by the promotion including custom paper duty. ( except for the $245 )You are advised to contact the TNT Courier Service with below niceties via email for re-confirmation to avoid wrong delivery. ( You'll just take my word that I'm me? No ID, no verification, documentation, nothing? )[1.] FULL NAME:  [2.] DELIVERY ADDRESS:

TEL: + (234) 805 597 0863

On contacting Mr. Larry Micheal of TNT Courier Service with your details your files would be updated and they will furnish you with payment advice in which you will use in paying the
$245 via Micro-cash ( Micro cash ?  Must take forever ) transfers for the procurement of your Approval of Payment Warrant and Endorsement of your ATM Release Order.

We guarantee 100% receipt of your payment, because we have perfected everything in regards to the release of your USD$954,000.00 United States Dollars ( USD, $ or United States Dollars, you only need one ) to be 100% risk free. ( except for the $245 part, we've just never been able to get past the stumbling block )Thanks and hope to read from you soon. ( Makes an odd kind of sense, If I called they'd be expecting to hear from me. )Best Regards
Mr.Beraud Alain
Event Manager.

Chump Change: $954,000.00

Currently at: $97,235,366.77

Two for the price of one.

( Number 1 )
Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2011 22:16:10 +0200
From: Grace Yee <> ( - Oy! Chinese Jews. Who knew? )
Reply-to: ( - Cool. A place to get a fake email account from. Really. )
Subject: Emergency Email ( A female Chinese Jew living in Qatar. What sort of emergency could she be having? )

Deal worth US45,275,000.00.Interested? ( 45 Million - Yes, I'm interested )

( Brief, but cryptic )

#1: $45.275,000

Subtotal: $93,785,366.77  (Probably need to think about getting a bigger mattress)

( Number 2 - You are number 6 )

Date: Tue, 11 Jan 2011
From: Mrs Gloria <> ( - From mysterious India )
Reply-To: ( in Japan )
Subject: From Mrs.Gloria Musa.
To: undisclosed recipients: ;  ( Again with the secret names - and why recipients, isn't this just for me? )
From Mrs.Gloria Musa. ( Dept. of Redundancy Dept.)

Based on your good profile ( I prefer my left side, thank you )  i want to solicit for your help in fulfiling my wish , ( Commas throughout, clearly not a period piece ) i am Mrs. Gloria Musa. ( No, you're kidding, right ) 58yrs old widow from France, my husband and i worked with Tullow oil Cote d Ivoire - Real Oil Company, lends credibility )  before he died seven years ago ( he hasn't worked a day since, I'll wager ), i am writting you this message via a computer lap top on my sick bed at the hospital were i am undergoing medical treatment i have been diagnosed of Endometrial cancer ( picked a nasty one ) unfortunatelly for me my doctor said i don't have any chance to survive except by a miracle i have spent a lot of money on medical treatment yet no improvement. ( I bet you're going to tell me your dying and you're just trying to soften the blow )

The reason why i am writting you this letter is because i want you to stand as beneficiary to the sum of my $ 2.5 Million (Two million five hundred thousand united states dollars ( for those innumerate ) i dont have any bilogical child of my own who will inherit this money neither do i have any adopted child ( So, let me get this straight. You have no children. Is that what your telling me? ) My relatives and friends have plundered so much of my wealth since my illness ( I know the feeling, mine drink all my booze ) and i cannot live with the agony of entrusting this huge responsibility to any of them anymore. ( doing OK with the pain from the cancer though ) a i want to donate this money to support churches ( except I can't find any ) and evangelism ( no evangelists ) i also want to help children and orphanges in your country ( The little buggers here can go rot ) Donating this $ 2.5 Million dollars as charity is the only legacy i can leave behind after my death, help me to fulfil this goal before i die and please always remember to pray for me when i die ( See, I knew it ) my soul will rest in peace.

Pls they political crisis here in my country ( There's a lot of turmoil in Japanese India these days, in case you didn't know - Something about Kobe beef and Sacred cows) so i will like to transfer this money befor anything happing ( She must be fading, she's missing the keys ) to the money so if you are will willing to help me receive this money pls ( Oh No. She's lost her vowels )( never mind, they're back ) will like you to contact me today.

Expecting to your message soonest.
Mrs.Gloria Musa.
Glotia's contribution: $2,500,000

New Total: $96,285,366.77

Microsoft Rides Again

To: undisclosed-recipients:; ( My name isn't a secret )
From: Microsoft  Award( ( Denmark - Land of DHL, and Vietnamese Vikings )
Reply-to: Microsoft  Award ( ( Looks like Microsoft to me )
Subject: Your email has won you (£500,000.00 GBP)

( This looks surprisingly similar to A lottery present from Microsoft. Only the names have been changed to protect the ignorant. )
Microsoft Award Notification (You’ve won £500,000.00) in our NEW YEAR Promotional programmme tagged "THANKS FOR CONTRIBUTING TO OUR FINANCIAL SUCCESS".Kindly send your details to this email: 1.FullName:...2.Address:...3.Occupation:..4.Age:..5.Sex:..
6.Nationality:..7.Tel:..Note: All replies and queries or questions concerning your claims should be sent to Dr.Dave Andrea.via

Another $782,070.75 ( 785 G's -That's starting to look like petty cash )

Now serving #:  $48,510,366.77

Poor Rich Lady Jessica

From: "Lady Jessica  Powell"<>
Subject: Please Indicate Interest:
Date: Mon, 10 Jan 2011

Greetings I am Lady Jessica, suffering from cancerous ailment.( Which prevents me from pressing the return key ) I was married to Sir Richard Powell an Englishman ( Really? I would have guessed Transylvanian ) who is now dead.When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of 20 Million British pounds with his bank here in UK. ( Had he been Transylvanian, dead wouldn't have stopped him. ) With God on your side,i want you to use the said funds for charity.( Because I can't find any legitimate charities to donate to. ) Contact me through my personal email address.  Stay blessed.

Raise: $31,224,586.01

Ta Da: $78,952,882.03


To: undisclosed-recipients:; ( This is so secret, we can't even mention your name. )
Date: Sun, 09 Jan 2011
From: Barrister Alan Organ <> ( - Chamber of Commerce collective of some sort? )
Organization: Barrister Alan Organ Associate ( Only one? )Reply-To: ( Big time British Barrister with his own hotmail account. )
THE WILL HAS BEEN EXECUTED ( Shot, hanged and garroted )

Barristers' Chambers
Address:33, Bedford Row
London WC1R 4JH, England ( Google this address, the place is lousy with Barristers )

Attention:Beneficiary, ( All these people leaving me money, but they still can't work out my name. )
  On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Eng. ( Eng? ) Gregory
Rims. I once again try ( "There is no try, only do" - Yoda ) to notify you as my earlier letter was returned
undelivered. ( You don't know my name, no reason to expect you to know my address, so where did you send the letter? ) I hereby attempt ( See try above ) to reach you again by this same email
address on the WILL. I wish to notify you that late Gregory Rims made
you a beneficiary in his WILL. He left the sum of Thirty Million Dollars
($30,000.000.00 US Dollars) (Dept. of Redundancy Dept ) to you in the Codicil and last testament to his

This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true. ( I'm sure, no really, I believe you )
Being a widely traveled man, he said he met you sometime in past or
simply you were nominated to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who
wished you good, I am not too sure again. Gregory Rims until his death
was a member of the Helicopter Society and the Institute of Electronic & Electrical Engineers and a German property magnate ( So was Hitler, sort of ) . He was a very
dedicated Christian who loved to give out aids to the poor,hungry and
needy. ( That doesn't sound very Christian. They're already pretty bad off. They probably don't need AIDS. ) His great philanthropy earned him numerous awards during his life
time. Late  Gregory Rims died on the 13th day of December,2008 at the
age of 80 years, and his WILL is now ready for execution after 3 years ( actually closer to two years, but let's not be picky ) and
thorough investigations. ( During which they failed to deduce my name and address )

According to him, this money is to support your humanitarian/medical
activities ( Right, I'm famous for that. ) and to help the poor and the needy in our society. ( Now that they all have AIDS, they're my problem. Thanks a bunch ) Please if I
reach you as I am hopeful, endeavor ( See try and attempt above. ) to get back to me as soon as possible
to enable me conclude my job. I hope to hear from you in no distant time. ( No distant time ? What does that mean? A far time ago, in a galaxy long long away...)
I await your prompt response and please keep this very discrete and to
yourself until the transfer of the funds to you is finalized. ( Mums the woid. )

Yours in Service,

Barrister Alan Organ

Ka-Ching: $30,000,000.00

Drum roll please: $47,728,296.02